忘记密码了? 免费注册

南京心理咨询网(www.025xl.com)
您现在的位置: 南京心理咨询网 > 频道中心 > 青少年心理 > 成长在线 > 正文
打印本文 打印本文 关闭窗口 关闭窗口
我们不满意现在的自己
作者:一心理  文章来源:转载  点击数  更新时间:2018-1-1 1:52:13  文章录入:wangyu  责任编辑:wangyu5621

 

Over the last five years or so, as I've worked with thousands of people on changing their habits, I've come to a realization: dissatisfaction with ourselves is a pretty universal phenomenon.

在过去五年左右的时间里,我曾经帮助上千人去改变他们的习惯,我得出一个结论:对自己不满意是一个十分普遍的现象。

We are unhappy with who we are, sometimes in small ways but often in very fundamental ways.

我们不满意现在的自己,有的时候不满的是一些小的方面,更多时候是从根本上对自己不满意。

We doubt ourselves, feel inadequate, dislike our looks, criticize our failing harshly, feel uncertain about whether we're worthy of praise or love.

我们怀疑自己,并对此感到乏力,不喜欢自己的长相,严厉地批判自己的失败,不确定自己是否值得被称赞或被爱。

The result is anxiety, procrastination, fear, and the inability to change our habits.

自我怀疑带来的后果就是不安、拖延、恐惧,以及无力改变自己的恶习。

 

I've seen so many people who are unable to stick to an exercise program or healthy diet changes because they don't believe in themselves. At the heart of their failure to make positive changes is a deep feeling of unworthiness and inadequacy.

我已经见过太多因不相信自己而无法坚持一项体育锻炼或健康饮食计划的人。他们之所以不能做出积极的改变,核心在于他们内心深处的无价值感和缺失感。

Every time we fail, we are harsh with ourselves, and we see it as just more evidence that we suck. Every time things are less-than-ideal, we blame ourselves (or, if we don't want to be blamed, we blame other people).

每当我们失败的时候,我们总是会对自己严厉,我们会寻找更多的证据去证明我们的无能。每当事情不尽人意的时候,我们会责怪自己(又或者当我们不想受到责备的时候,我们就去责怪周围的人)。

What if, instead of beating ourselves up (or blaming others), we just accepted what happened and then took appropriate action? What if we took this as an opportunity to see our humanness, to love ourselves, to see ourselves as innately good?

假如我们只是接受发生的事并采取正确的行动,而不是一味打击自己(或责怪他人)会怎么样?假如我们将这次经历当作一个洞察我们的人性、学会如何爱自己、学会看到自己天性本善的机会会怎样?

This dissatisfaction with ourselves doesn't just hurt our health habits... It hurts our productivity and ability to focus on meaningful work.

对自己不满不仅仅是有损我们健康的习惯…… 更会损害到我们的工作效率和专注于有益工作的能力。

We doubt whether we're up to facing this task filled with discomfort and uncertainty, so we look for relief from all of it instead of just trusting that we're up to the task. We procrastinate, seek distraction, try to run from the uncertainty.

我们怀疑自己能否胜任这个充满不舒适感和不确定性的任务,因此我们伺机寻找解脱而不是去相信自己能够完成任务。这些观念使得我们养成了拖延、容易分心、逃离不确定性的习惯。

 

Our relationships are also harmed by this dissatisfaction with ourselves — when we don't believe in ourselves, we are insecure in our relationships. That can result in jealousy, anger, fear of losing someone, and treating the other person with distrust.

对自己不满也会伤害我们的人际关系 —— 当我们不相信自己时,我们在一段关系中会缺乏安全感。这样会导致人产生嫉妒、愤怒、害怕失去某人的情感,并无法信任他人。

That's not a good recipe for a good relationship, and if the relationship becomes shaky, we often either blame the other person or see it as more evidence that we suck.

这不是维持一段良好人际关系的好方法,当一段关系变得不稳定,我们经常是要么责怪他人,要么寻找更多证明自己倒霉的证据。

Our happiness is marred by this dissatisfaction with ourselves — if we don't like ourselves, don't trust ourselves, don't see ourselves as worthy of love... then how can we truly be happy in each moment? Underlying each moment is a dissatisfaction, a lack of contentedness, a wish that things would be different.

对自己的不满会破坏我们的幸福 —— 如果我们不喜欢自己、不信任自己、认为自己不值得被爱…… 那么我们如何能够在每一时刻感到真正快乐呢?每一时刻都不满意、不知足、奢望着事情会有所不同。

These are just a handful of ways that dissatisfaction with ourselves is harming us. This problem actually affects every area of our lives, from jobs to finances to parenting and more.

这些仅仅只是对自己不满对我们造成伤害的几个方面。这个问题实际上已经影响到了我们生活的方方面面,从工作到经济再到养育子女等等都可能受到影响。

 

 

The Way Out: Loving Ourselves
解决之道:爱自己

Instead of harming ourselves with this self-doubt, this constant feeling of inadequacy... What if we loved ourselves instead?

与其用自我怀疑、经常性的不充实感来伤害自己…… 倒不如我们学着去爱我们自己怎么样?

What if we trusted ourselves, believed in our basic worthiness, believed that we would be OK even if things didn't work out as planned, believed that we are loving, kind, and innately good human beings?

如果我们试着相信自己、相信自己的基本价值、相信我们可以度过难关,即使事情没能按计划进行,仍然相信自己是有爱的、善良的并且天性本善的人会有怎样的改变?

That would change everything: we'd be more trusting in relationships, we'd procrastinate less because we knew we could handle uncertainty and discomfort, we'd become healthier because we would see healthy food and exercise as just two more ways to love ourselves.

这样一来会改变所有的事情:我们会更加相信人与人之间的关系,我们会减少拖延的习惯,因为知道自己有能力面对不确定性和不适感,我们会活得更健康,因为知道健康食品和体育锻炼是爱我们自己的另外两个方法。

We'd seek ways to love others, to serve the world with meaningful work, to enjoy the basic goodness of every moment. We'd be happier, and in the times when we're not happy, we'd still be able to find contentment in the middle of difficulty.

我们会去寻找爱他人的方法,为这个世界做有意义的贡献,享受每一时刻的美好事物。我们会变得更幸福,当我们不高兴时,仍然能够在困境中找到满足感。

Of course, that's much easier said than done. We have so many years of experience in disliking ourselves, in being harsh with ourselves, that loving ourselves can seem impossible. It's not. You can do this.

当然了,说总比做来得容易。我们有多年讨厌自己、对自己严厉的经历,突然让我们去爱自己似乎不太可能。但不是这样的,你完全可以做到爱自己。

It starts with the simple intention to love yourself, to see yourself as adequate and worthy of love, to wish for your own happiness and the relief from pain and stress.

爱你自己从简单的动机开始,认为自己有足够的资格并且值得被爱,为自己的幸福及逃离痛苦和压力祝福。

Once you have this intention, you can practice a daily session of wishing for your own happiness, wishing for an end to your pain. A daily session of gratitude for the good things about yourself.

一旦你有了这种动机,你就可以每天练习如何祝福自己幸福、庆祝自己痛苦的结束。每天练习感激自己身上好的地方。

You can start to see the basic goodness in everything you do, even if it's less than perfect (as all humans are).

你可以开始试着看到自己在做每一件事时表现出的基本的优点,即使它并不完美(就像所有人一样)。

You can see the good hearted nature in every on__e of your actions, even the on__es that are harmful. You can start to see the good-hearted nature in what everyone else does as well.

你可以从你的每一个行为中看到自己善良的天性,即使是一些伤害性的行为中也可能看得出。你还能够开始从其他每一个人所做的事中看到别人善良的天性。

This is the practice, and it takes lots of practice. But loving yourself might just be the most important project you've ever undertaken, because it will change your world.

这是一种实践,并且需要大量的练习。但爱你自己可以说是你所做过的项目中最重要的,因为这将改变你的世界。

打印本文 打印本文 关闭窗口 关闭窗口

南京心理咨询中心,南京心理医生,南京心理诊所,南京心理咨询,南京心理咨询师,权威心理咨询机构 森知公司版权所有 Copyright © http://www.025xl.com


中心地址:南京市中山东路头条巷50号(逸仙名居)2栋301(逸仙桥旁) 预约电话:025-84470026 84683302 E-mail:025XL@163.com

苏ICP备09041759号 常年法律顾问 许乃义律师